Sponsored by Mike Keenan, “The Retirement Coach.”
Like the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, the inspiration for this contest, this is the ideal contest for poor writing, as we seek the worst opening imaginable in one sentence to a novel about retirement. There’s no entrance fee and no limit to the amount of times you enter.
Make your opening worse than the examples that follow, and you have a decent chance of winning.
- A)Long opening example –
“Sheldon approached the menacing, pot-holed road to retirement like a perplexed motorist for the first time entering a roundabout in a foreign country, quickly slowing his previously-owned, rust-stained, fender-battered, oil-leaking Chevy, while wondering sideways if his financial planner was indeed truthful, worried his wife’s penchant for expensive travel might rapidly deplete his coveted nest-egg, suddenly consumed with the thought of economic safety measures as a large, interloping truck carrying cattle moved aggressively into his lane, blocking the view of his egress such that he was forced to spin around in complete circles several times like those difficult gravitational tests that apprentice astronauts are forced to endure before regaining equilibrium as well as the desire to press on despite incessant warnings by jealous colleagues that he might have pulled the retirement plug too soon like an anxious adolescent male experiencing his first sexual encounter with a well-practiced older woman, and pondering if he should have engaged in that regretful once-only affair with his secretary, who certainly proved that she was far more adept than a mere typist, able with her talented tiny digits to massage far more than mere words in that ill-advised tryst at Motel 69, too close to the highway, the incessant traffic noise almost as loud as his shocking groans of pleasure on that fateful night.”
- B)Shorter example
“Retirement loomed on the horizon, and quite anxious, Donald entertained mixed feelings about how it might suddenly penetrate his life like Dr. Carlson today, casually putting on a plastic glove and forcefully inserting his fingers far too deep in search of an enlarged prostate as Donald lay pensively on that very table where Carlson had performed a vasectomy on the other side of his body, seemingly so long ago when he was young and virile.”
Email entries to The Retirement Coach at email@example.com
Please include your name and mailing address.
The winner receives a suitable prize along with inclusion in a podcast, three dailies and one weekly that publish “The Retirement Coach,” as well as multiple Facebook pages along with the adulation of the writing community.
The Hudson Prize is now open for submissions!
Each year Black Lawrence Press will award The Hudson Prize for an unpublished collection of poems or short stories. The prize is open to new, emerging, and established writers. The winner of this contest will receive book publication, a $1,000 cash award, and ten copies of the book. Prizes awarded on publication.
What’s your 2020 story?
Hindsight is a collection of stories about 2020, written by people just like you. We’re seeking nonfiction stories from around the world that capture what it was like to wake up every day to a new normal — whether that means navigating emergencies as a first responder or tying the knot over Zoom. We’re particularly interested in material that gets up close and personal with the struggles of 2020, rather than headlines or commentary on current events.
Hindsight is an independent, one-time publication. Content will be made available in two forms: Some stories will be shared on our website; the very best submissions will be compiled into a print anthology, which will be published in 2021.
Submission fee: None
Length: Up to 2,000 words
Compensation: Writers whose work is selected for the print anthology will receive a complimentary hard copy of the book, as well as a digital file.
To learn more, please visit our website: www.hindsightbook2020.com.
Bridges DelPonte has published a wide range of fiction and nonfiction works. Her legal mystery, Deadly Sacrifices won a Royal Palm Literary Award (2d place – unpublished mystery) from the Florida Writers Association (FWA). She has also published an underwater fantasy novel, Bridles of Poseidon, a children’s book, The Little Dusties – The Roar of the Silver Dragon (with illustrator, Michelle Bakay), and numerous short stories in mystery and scifi/fantasy anthologies. Currently, she is working on a sequel to Deadly Sacrifices and a women’s fiction novel about three women friends, without children, facing life’s challenges in their forties. Aside from the GCWA, she is also a member of the FWA, Sisters in Crime, Inc., and Citrus Crime Writers (Central Florida chapter of SinC). Bridges is represented by Kelli Martin, Wendy Sherman Associates, Inc., a NYC literary management firm.
Bob McCarthy, Rick Pullen, Marty Ambrose, Carol Kennedy, Judy Loose
A panel of authors will discuss the pitfalls of publishing (the good, the bad, and the ugly).
February 20, 2021, 10:00 a.m. to noon
Bob McCarthy: All publishers are not created equal. Some homework tips before you sign a contract.
Rick Pullen: The ups and downs of the writing life. You’re on top one minute and plunge to the depths the next thanks to the vagaries of the book publishing business.
Marty Ambrose: Dodging the Pitfalls of Publishing Today:Finding an agent, Working with an editor, and Marketing a book.
Carol Kennedy: Don’t Forget Who Your Readers Are And Don’t Forget Who Will Actually Be Purchasing Your Book
Judy Loose: Lessons learned while working with an agent. Do your research before signing any contracts.
S U B M I S S I O N S
A R E N O W O P E N
The second of a twelve-volume series … accepting stories, poetry and essays.
Submissions will close 31st March 2021.
Through 2021 and into 2022, Pure Slush is planning a 12-volume anthology series, looking across the Lifespan.
This is a unique opportunity to contribute works that take characters across the arc of their whole life, whether prose or poetry, fiction or non-fiction.
info about Growing Up Vol. 2
info about the Lifespan series
submit by clicking here